i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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