Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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