The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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