haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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