i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
