This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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