fuck your aforementioned shoe
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
