I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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