i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i believe in u and ur pee
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
