well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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