Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
