You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
