I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
