I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
