trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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