i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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