Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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