if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
