Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
