I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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