Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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