i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
