I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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