omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
