you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
