a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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