Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
