tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
