i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
