the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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