Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
