Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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