hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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