Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
