oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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