Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My breath smells like gin and sadness
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
