On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
