sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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