just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
