sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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