she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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