I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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