youre lurking in front of me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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