I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
