Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
