Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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