the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
