You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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