i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
