Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
