I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
