I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
