youre lurking in front of me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
