SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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