I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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