hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
