Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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