what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
