so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
