dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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