he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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