apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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