Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
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