They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What a dumb baby whore.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
