she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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