i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
