just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
