did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
