We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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