Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
