Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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