Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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