I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
