Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
