WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
