I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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