My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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