I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
